Archive for April, 2008

Lizardbrain’s Palm Beach Golf Cart Blues

26 April 2008

So I was over at Stoaty’s place, catching up on stuff I’ve missed because I’ve been too busy whining about my life, and I came across a post about New York’s new Governor.

A good bit of the post was devoted to the Rules for Blues. Like

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

and

11. Good places for the Blues: a) highway b) jailhouse c) empty bed

Bad places: a) Nordstrom’s b) gallery openings c) Ivy League institutions d) golf courses.

and

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a) you’re older than dirt b) you’re blind c) you shot a man in Memphis d) you can’t be satisfied.

No, if: a) you have all your teeth b) you were once blind but now can see c) the man in Memphis lived d) you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

and

19. I don’t care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it – with fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don’t care.

In my typically defiant, adolescent-in-an-old-man’s-body manner, I yelled, “Fooey! I can, too!” Or words that were a close approximation. And then I cranked out the following:


Lethargic Limon Lizardbrain’s Palm Beach Golf Cart Blues

Well I opened up my laptop, and it sure did make me sad
Yes I opened up my laptop, Lord, it make me feel so bad
Got a email from my baby
Say she left me for my dad

I got a little trust fund; I don’t have to drive no Ford
I ride around in limos; I don’t have to drive no Ford
But my daddy gots the money
And he’s Chairman of the Board

So I made my way to Palm Beach in the Corporation plane
Oh, I hitched a ride to Palm Beach in the Corporation plane
Had to take the doggone Lear
‘Cause the Gulfstream was in Spain

Then I went out to the golf course and I shot a hole in one
Yeah, I jumped into a golf cart and I shot that hole in one
And the po-lice came and got me
‘Cause I shot him with my gun

If you go down to Palm Beach, keep your lawyer on speed dial
If you travelin’ to Palm Beach, keep your lawyer on speed dial
‘Cause in the Palm Beach lockup
The brunch they serve is vile

Well I opened up my laptop, and it sure did make me sad
Yes I opened up my laptop, Lord, it make me feel so bad
Got a email from my baby
Say she left me for my dad


So there!

Advertisements